I bought new underware.

It's true. And now I feel like a new man.....or boy, whatever. I was going through my boxers the other day, yes I wear boxers, and I pulled out a pair that was unraveling at the seems. Okay, I thought, it's probably time to throw these out. I reached into the drawer to grab a different pair and pulled out some with a huge tear in the crotch. hmm.....time to get some new underware.

And I did. And I love them. 8 shiny new pairs!

It's the simple things in life that can make your day. These are making my week.

I'm attracted to a woman.

Believe it or not.

I went to a bar with a few friends lastnight. And, as I sit down I'm greeted by a very beautiful young man with a mohawk who introduces himself as the bartender. I order my drink and proceed to enjoy it while turning to my friend and commenting on the good looks of our bartender. My friend agrees by saying, "yes, she's very pretty isn't she?" She. What? There is no WAY that is a woman. Yes, my friend assures me he just gets the vibe. A third friend joins us and sides with me....convinced that it's a man....willing to bet money on it. Eventually, we get around to talking to our pretty bartender and find out that "he" is from New Zealand and that "he's" really into the queer culture scene and the "his" name is Isabelle. Okay....Isabelle....it could just be a gay thing but there's three of us there, two boys and a girl, and our new friend is not flirting with any of us...we can't even get a clue. Then "he" finally admits to being transgender and taking hormones for the past 3 years.....although "he" won't tell us which way. But, I mean come on, if you're taking hormones for three years and you sound like a man and you're trying to become a woman then your drugs suck. SHE'S A GIRL!!!! AHHHHH!!! I HAVE A CRUSH ON A GIRL!! Well, not really, but I definitely found her very attractive.....as a man. And to my credit, she looked really great....the drugs are working wonders....I mean you really cannot tell unless you're my friend Mike Bunting....who could. So....

Sparkling, tap or flat water?

I am a waiter. Every time I greet a table, the first thing I ask them is whether they would like sparkling, tap or flat water for the table. About half the time I get this response..."Oh, we'll just have some flat water." Now, I'm thinking, okay...I know that what you meant to say is that you just want tap water...the "just" is the key word in that sentence. So, I have to ask, "you want a bottle of FLAT water or you just want regular TAP water?" "Oh, just tap water thanks." What is so confusing about this question? I give you three options....sparkling, tap of flat water. Which one do you want? It's a very simple question....what is wrong with people? I'm just sick of repeating myself. I feel like I'm just going to start bringing people a bottle of flat water no matter what they ask for. They can learn the hard way.

Get it together people!

Longing for Lattes.

I suddenly really want lattes all the time. Not that I didn't like them before but lately I want them more then ever. That and a couch. That's all I want lately.....oh and a flat screen TV. Just those few things. That's all I want. Real simple.....just those few things.....not too much to ask. Oh, and a million dollars too. I want that too. Who do I think I am? Such expensive taste.

As my mother would say; "You've got champagne ideas on beer money."

The Beer Pits.

My neighborhood has a seriously shitty selecion of beer within a 5 block radius. I mean, Pacifico and Corona are nice every once in a while but not every time I want to drink a beer. I need some variety. What do I have to do to get a nice six-pack of Blue Moon or Leffe Blonde? The grocery store probably has a decent selection, I hope, but I'm not usually buying beer until later at night anyways and by that point the grocery store is already closed. I'm going to have to do some planning ahead from now on. What a nuisance.

Any suggestions?

The Crew.

Thanksgiving in Albany. Year number 5! I already wish is was Thanksgiving again.

Humphrey and the violent appetite.

My cat Humphrey had to stay home alone for the holiday, so I had a friend come over and feed him what would equal three meals at once for him until I returned the next day. Of course, being the crazy fatty that he is, he ate it all in one sitting and then started freaking out later that night around 10pm I would imagine. So, what do I find when I get home? Humphrey has opened the cabinet door under the sink where his food is kept, dragged the bag to the middle of the kitchen floor and chewed his way through the plastic to a heaping meal of unlimited reduced carb cat food for FAT ASS cats. Nuts!

I'm not feeding him tonight.....I can only imagine how many meals he has stored up in his fat rolls.



GOD, I fucking LOVE him.

I love this. I could amuse myself for hours in a room like this. Infinite possibilities.

Things I'm thankful for:

1. The Lusticks in Albany.
2. Living with my cat Humphrey again.
3. My new apartment.
4. My beautiful network of friends.
5. Food
6. Wine
7. All the food and wine that is to be had in Albany over the new few days.
8. The Harvard Sailing Team
9. Days off from work.
10. Doing absolutely nothing.


HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!

Injustice

I find myself with the day off from work because I was 15 minutes late this morning. I run to the managaers office and apologize to my manager right away and explain to him that this is the first weekend trip I've made to work from new apartment and I clearly miscalculated how much time I would need.....especially since all the express trains all run local on the weekend. Still, there's no excuse and this is my bad....I understand that. He informs me that he's sending me home because he wasn't sure what was going on and had to cover his own ass, so he made some adjustments and I was no longer on the floor plan. Okay, I understand. And, I suppose I wouldn't be so bothered by it if the previous night another server hadn't strolled in 15 minutes late and was still able to work with out any problem. Not to mention two days previous to that, a different server stolled in over an hour late and he was still able to work as well. So yes, I understand that I, Clayton Early, who has never been late and, in fact, am always 10 minutes early with time to change and wait for the floor plan to come out, am of little importance or priority to this restaurant at this point. That's fine. I just hope that after I've been around for a little while longer I can stroll in whenever I want and work.

Hitting parked cars.

I've moved to a new apartment in the past few days! Exciting, yes. Stressful, good grief! I have my moving van double parked in the street because of course there are no parking spaces within a 5 block radius. Things are going well, I'm bringing up a few things to the apartment before my roommate gets off work at 3 to come and help finish the job. I'm on about my 3rd trip up to the aparment, unloading some things, when I hear an incessant honking from the street below. I stroll up to the front window out of curiousity to see a city bus stopped behind my van waiting to get by. Fuck! I run down the stairs, jump in the van, put it into gear and rush down the street to fine an open spot in front of a fire hydrant. I make a sharp right turn, in order to free up th lane for th bus, and slam into the front of a parked jeep grand cherokee with the side of my van. FUCK! MOTHERFUCKER! FUCKYOUCITYBUSYOUTOTALLYCOULDHAVEGOTTENBYWITHMEMOVING! FUCK! At this point I'm thinking, of course the ONE time in my life I opt not to take out the collision insurance on a rental vehicle I hit a fucking PARKED car. People on the street walking by literally spun around to see what was going on as I screeched along the front of the parked jeep. The jeeps front light is busted, it's dented and scratched and the side of my van is completely dented and bent in. How did this happen? I mean, of course it happened.....as I was initialing and turning down the collision insurance for the van the thought ran through my head...."you're going to get into an accident idiot." And, I did. I was a wreck for the rest of the day.

Luckily for me, I rented from a ghetto cargo company that mostly rents to film crews and I they didn't even glance at the van when I returned it. Unluckily for the parked jeep, I'm a poor asshole and I didn't even bother to leave a note of appology. But, I'm sorry. I truly am.....know that....whoever you are. I hope we never meet, because you would be very mad and I would be very scared.

I'm never moving again.