My latest obsession!

I think I need to meet this kid.

Bed Bugs. UGH!

Ugh indeed.

I acquired bed bugs about 3 weeks ago.

It's truly been hell. Capital H. E. Double hockey sticks!

For 3 weeks I slept on an air mattress on my living room floor while scrubbing and cleaning everything in my apartment. Washing all of my clothes and linens and curtains etc... Steaming my mattress and bedframe. Letting the exterminator in.....twice. Picking clothes to wear for the day out of their protective plastic bags. Bathing my cat Humphrey......twice. And, just feeling a general sense of DEATH ZONE:RESTRICED AREA-DO NOT ENTER in my own home.

I had to go out the other day and buy all new pillows and a mattress protector so I could sleep on my own bed again.

But, alas, I finally have moved back into my bedroom.

Of course, I'm still terrified of the bed bugs. I check my sheets and under my mattress everytime I enter the room. I look around my bedroom floor half expecting to see a bed bug running for cover under my dresser. I'll probably never get over this....but I'm back in my room.

Good news.........right?...........I mean, right?

I dont' know.


On a lighter note:

I saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix lastnght. Great one!

Check it out! But not with bed bugs.

Thank You Charleston!

The Harvard Sailing Teams trip to Charleston South Carolina for the Picolo Spiletto Fringe festival was a huge success! I had so much fun and I already miss it. We had some great shows, saw some great shows, met some great people, got some quality time in at the beach and pool, set a new smash ball record (me and Smitty, 677 consecutive hits in the number to beat), and most importantly......FUCKFEST 07!

Some great old memories!

- Smashing a whipped cream pie in Fanny's face. I didn't even really need to smash, she just leaned right into it.
- Fanny chasing me around the parking lot covered in whipped cream.
- Having a ball fight with Adam at 2am in a completely empty Harris Teeter grocery store.
- The Arthur Ravenal Jr Memorial Bridge.
- "Everyone's gonna be happy, and we're going to be the stars!"
- FuckFest 07 phone inquiries.
- "I'm just looking to have a great time with a real Fat Batch?!"
- Fat Batch.
- "Oh my God, a rainbow. Kiss me!" Jen Curran
- Bills "Living in a Rainbow" song.
- Fanny pouring a bucket of water on me while in bed.....throwing Fanny in the shower.

.....and many more.

I can't wait to Roadtrip around the country and perform in a bunch of new fun towns.......and get payed to do it.

Help me quit my job HST!!!

Here's a picture of me and Jen and Sara having a great old time!



YAHOO!!!

Thank You Charleston!

What a week!

One week, two great shows!

And a whole day off to myself. Nice.

I had my level one improv class show this past thursday and it was a freakin' blast! I had been a nervous wreck dreading it all the week long, but I have to say I couldn't have been happier with the way it turned out. The audience was SO pumped to be there and support us, and in return we were pumpd to bounce back that energy. Everyone had some great playtime on stage and I was able land a call-back in the last scene which we ended the show with....I was on cloud nine the rest of the night as well as all the next day. I can't wait to continue in level two.

Then, last night Harvard Sailing Team had another kick ass time at the PIT with our new show On The Jitney. Again, great crowd and everyone really stepped up to the plate and pulled out all the stops for what turned out to be a great old time! People had some great things to say after the show! It was so nice to have this sweet follow up to my improv show on thursday. Makes me feel like a hero! We were supposed to have some NBC executives in the audience, which would have been the best night for them to come, and OF COURSE they didint' show. UGH! What are you gonna go, right?! In time, in time.


Now, I get this whole day to myself to just relax. No rehearsal. No work. No show. Just me.

I slept in. Got some tacos at tacos nuevas and ate them in Sunset Park under the sun. Read. Strolled. Blogged.

Now, I'm off to dinner with friends and then a little club action with a fellow gay.

Look.....I'm sorry, alright?!

Relax.


I hate taxes and I'm a little overcommitted for the time being. Sunny days are on the way and I hope to enjoy them.....so I gotta buckle down and take care of some shit now. New blogs will come.

How about the crazy fat man on the subway last night who proceeded to stuff his face with a large bag of wafer cookies, which were crumbling all over his lap, and then proceeded to bang on the chairs next to me in order to get my attention. I could hear him mumbling something about believing in the power of Christ through the breaks in song on my Ipod. How about I totally ignored him! But, what I really wanted to do was turn to him, take my head phone out of my ear and say, "Right, so you're crazy and I wan't want to talk to you." Instead I just stared staright ahead and imagined what it would be like to actually say something like that.

How about I'm in improv every week now and it's great?!

How about it?

Fuck.

What a Wackadoo!!!

That's me. A Wackadoo.

I haven't blogged on here in SO LONG because I am a crazy idiot with not a second to breathe.

Well, okay that's a bit dramatic. But, literally, I have been running around doing a lot of fun and exciting things lately! Ah, New York....I am completey immersed in you. To begin, there's always work, which is a never ending so not much is needed to be said about that. I'm a server. Yes. I've also been keeping up with my new gym regime with Billy. We joined in the last week of February and we've just completed our 4th solid week. I month at the gym, 6 days a week! I've been pumping ironing, running again, boxing every saturday, I had a pilates demo which really hurt, I've had a fitness evaluation and the physical fitness continues on tomorrow. A new week of gym extravaganzas.

I've also just started improv classes through the PIT. I've only had one class so far. Every tuesday from 7-10pm. The class was a big success! I have to tell you how nervous I was for it....all day at work before our first my apprehension continued to grow. The class, however, was all fun and games. Literally. Everyone in the class was great. We seem to have some performance chops in us and people really got up and gave it their all. I was very impressed and excited for more by the end. I'm looking forward to our next class this tuesday.

Also, NBC came to our Harvard Sailing Team show last night. We were a hit. They want us to perform in there NBC network showcase! AHHHHSHITFUCKDAMNIT! So cool. So, bascially it's just a matter of time before we have our own TV show. It's about time.

We just spent all day filming a short video for the Naked Angels festival in April. I don't mean to blow smoke up our own asses but we were pretty damn good today. The shoot was a hoot, if you will. I think it's going to look amazing. I cant' wait to see it.

That's it for now.

Oh, I'm getting a tattoo. Here's a picture of the lady now:



That's right. Rosie the Riveter. But, instead in the caption bubble it will say, "You Can Do It, Clayton!"

I promise to write more.

Forget me not.

Boxing

I boxed yesterday at the Gym.

I felt the rush.

I felt like a hunter....like a predator.....like an animal.

I felt alive.

I felt like the dominant species.

Victory.

Yesterday, I won the game.

So, this is what it feels like to be a man.

Nice.

Come Rain or Come Shine.

Im gonna love you like nobodys loved you come rain or come shine
High as a mountain and deep as a river come rain or come shine
I guess when you met me it was just one of those things
But dont ever bet me cause Im gonna be true if you let me

Youre gonna love me like nobodys loved me come rain or come shine
Happy together unhappy together and wont it be fine?
Days may be cloudy or sunny
Were in or were out of the money

But Im with you always, Im with you rain or shine

Im gonna love you like nobodys loved you come rain or come shine
High as a mountain deep as a river come rain or come shine
I guess when you met me it was just one of those things
But dont ever bet me cause Im gonna be true if you let me

Youre gonna love me like nobodys loved me come rain or come shine
Happy together unhappy together and wont it be fine?
Days may be cloudy or sunny
Were in or were out of the money.

But Ill love you always, Im with you rain or shine

Chet Baker-Songs for Lovers
Written by Harold Arlen, lyrics by Johnny Mercer

A glass of Bloombergs finest!

I'm constantly asking people what kind of water they would prefer...."sparkling, tap or flat?" It's part of my job. I've done it a million times by this point, and I am constantly met with the response of, "we'll just take some of Bloombergs finest! HAR HAR HAR" or "I'll just have a glass of Bloomberg water." Funny. Real funny. I'm so over this joke. I die a little inside everytime I hear it....which is often. So, needless to say, I'm almost dead.

Now, what's going to happen when Bloomberg is not in office anymore? I mean, obviously people are just going to to tack on whatever new mayor's in office to the New York City water supply. But, what if the new mayor's name is something like Mayor Poop? Do you see the dilemma here? "I'll just have a glass of Poops finest." "Oh, I'll just have a glass of Poop water." "Poop water...you got any Poop water....I just love Poop water." Poop water, Poop water, Poop water! Mayor Poop.

God, I wish our next mayors name was Poop. That would be amazing.

Also, what if once Mayor Poop (or whoever) is in office, someone accidentally asks me for a glass of Bloombergs finest? Boy, will that be awkward. I'll have to say we're only serving Poop water now. Or maybe they won't be a fan of Mayor Poop so they'll expect me to go in search of a glass of Bloombergs finest.

Is Mayor Bloomberg going to have to start bottling his own brand of water after his term is up?

This is the place I'm in right now.

And this is how I feel when people tell me they want a glass of Bloomberg water.



I'm voting for Mayor Poop in the next election. He better run!

Not gay enough.

I have recently been wondering whether or not I'm a self hating homosexual.

I don't think I am. I love gay. But why do I lead such a heterosexual lifestyle?.....comparatively.

I mean, I'm gay. Come on. But I feel like I'm influenced too much by the straight world. Maybe it's because most of my friends are straight and we do alot of what you would deem to be "straight" activities. I mean, going to a bar isn't necessarily "straight" but that's my whole point. I'm always going out to the straight places. I never go out to gay bars. I never hang out with my people. I'm around my people constantly. I work with them, some of them come out with me to the straight bars and so forth, but that's about it.

Am I gay enough?

I've never been to fire island. That's gay, right?

What's gay?

I want to embrace my homosexuality more.

I have embraced my homosexuality fully....I take that back. Maybe I just want to be more familiar with the gay scene. In New York. Specifically. Since that's where I live.

Maybe I should just have a gay night with gay friends more often.

Anybody. Gay. What.

This is a gay blog.

The Harvard Sailing Team Goes to King of Prussia!

If there is one thing I've noticed about the Harvard Sailing Team and trips it would be this: the jokes that we will be repeating and expanding upon throughtout the entire trip occurr within the first five minutes of travel. It's really like a science. One person will say one thing silly and then everyone will repeat it, thinking it's funny and wanting to improve upon it in some way, and just like that, it's set. We'll be hearing about it for the rest of the weekend. This is by no means a bad thing.......merely an observation on my part. In fact, I rather enjoy it.

Examples of some these jokes from our most recent trip.

1. "Stones. We're going to see the Stones, YEAH!"
2. Jen and Billy's marriage.
3. Jen's pull string in which she can be heard to say some of the following catch phrases.
-"I'm Jen Curran and I'm fed up."
-"What, do I have to listen to this?"
-"Right."

I love when we travel.

Our show in Pennsylvania was a big success. Thank you Decker for everything. You're a real gem!

Meet Humphrey!

This is my cat. He is my favorite boy. He's about 27 lbs. He was 31 lbs when I got him, but he's on a special low-carb perscription cat diet now. Things are up looking up for my fatty. Just look at him....like a big babe.

Look a little closer: The NYC Subway Map.

Have you ever really taken a serious look at the NYC subway map? If you have, what do you notice about it?

I'll tell you what I see. A big penis!

That's not because I'm gay...it's because it honestly looks like a penis. I've thought this for years and I'm finally coming out with it.

Next time your on the subwary, or looking over a subway map period, noticing the following:

The island of manhattan hangs down and comes to a mushroomed point, much like the tip of a penis. To the left of Manhattan the burroughs of Brooklyn and Queens. They form a big rounded bulge like a ball sack. Above is the bronx and so forth forming the lower stomach. Looking at the NYC subway map is like looking at the profile of a mans genitals.

Coincidence? You decide.

Capital of the world? You decide.

The Camera Never Lies!

Hmm...
This is my friend Sarah.
Isn't she pretty?

Teach a man to fish....teach a man to love?

It was a few days ago. I was walking down 5th avenue and I was contemplating love and relationships. I myself am a 24 year young adult, living here in this big city, surrounded by love and relationships. Encountering it. Seeking it. Fascinated and intrigued by it. But, largely intimidated by the concept as a whole. I was thinking about these things, as well as the relationships of my close friends and family, when I chanced upon a little stone in a garden. The garden was situated out in front of one of these massive high rise apartment buildings right above Washington Square. I just barely noticed the stone in passing. Someone had taken yellow paint and written a little phrase or quote on it. It said,

"Love is like an ocean. Swim in it. But, don't drown."

How serendipitous, I thought. I continued my stoll down 5th avenue and began thinking about this statement. I repeated it in my head a few times. Tried to make sense of it. Tried to understand it. But, the only thing I could think was, what if you don't know how to swim? Who's going to teach you? Everybody has to learn to swim at some point. I would imagine most people have someone to teach them....I certainly did. So, do you need someone to teach you how to love? Can you teach yourself? I suppose some people teach themselves to swim. Maybe you can teach yourself to love. Although, I think falling in love is more of an interactive process. You, and another person....falling in love with each other. I get so overwhelmed by the prospect. Yet, I'm so impatient for it. I start to over think it as soon as I even start hanging out with someone. Who's going to teach me to calm down? Who's going to teach me to love? Who's going to teach me not to drown for that matter? What does that even mean, really? Don't drown yourself in love??? Does that mean too much love is a bad thing? Or, you can lose your sense of self in love? I don't get it. I think I'll know love when it happens, but I wonder if I'll need a little help along the way.

And here I am. Analyzing. I'm a nut.

Any thoughts?

Hot Flash!

It's 78 degrees in our apartment right now, according to the thermostat. You would think it's a frozen tundra outside with the thermostat blasting this much heat. Nope. It in the 60's. So, I'm sweating. It's January. Our thermostat is fucked! Apparently we're supposed to have control of our own heat here in the apartment. We've turned the thermostat all the way down.......as low as it will go.....and the heat seems to be getting worse. Hmm... What to do? What if I go to sleep this evening and never wake up again because I'll have boiled up and evaporated into thin air over night? What do I do then? I guess not much......because I'd be dead, right?! Or vapor. Hmm...


Burning up.

Underware vs. Underwear

I realize now, after my good friends Jacquelyn and Jen so kindly pointed out my mistake, that I've mispelled underwear in my previous blog. I'm okay with that. I've moved on. Apparently, Jacq and Jen have not. They can't see the forest for the trees. I would venture to say that the majority of people who've read that particular blog understood the general idea of what I was going for. While Jacq and Jen couldn't even make it past the title. I am not upset however. I've reconciled myself to their response. This is a free forum after all, in which everyone is free to participate as they please. With this said:


OFFICIAL DISCLAIMER

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

I mispell words. I've done it before and I'll do it again.

I hope you'll be able to understand my primitive blogs.......and if ever there is any question, please feel to contact/ridicule and mock me with any questions or comments you might have.